Blasting Off to a New Latitude

I spent this very extended weekend in Florida, celebrating my stepdad's 70th birthday / hip replacement.  (I guess that should be "(70th birthday) / (hip replacement)".  /s have always made me uncomfortable that way.  I know for sure that he only had his hip replaced, not his birthday, and I'm reasonably certain that it was his first procedure of that sort.)  He lives in the extraordinarily rich community of Aventura:

In case that map doesn't help, Aventura is between Fort Lauderdale (aka "Lauderdale", apparently) and Miami.  If that still doesn't help, here's another map:

In case the above sounds condescending, I should mention that I didn't know have any idea where in Florida I was until I got back home.

Florida (or rather, the greater Miami area) was not quite what I expected:

• Yes, the area is palpably rich.  Like, make-sure-not-to-throw-any-bricks-because-you'll-sink-a-yacht rich.  Most of the buildings in Aventura are large, and most of them have names hilariously reminiscent of Del Boca Vista, and all of those have so much security as to prompt the viewer to wonder who is being kept out and who in.
• Yes, it was hot.  Ish.  80 degrees and not much humidity is not a challenging climate, but it's pretty impressive for the middle of November.  
• Palm trees: all over.  Everywhere.  It turns out I didn't know much about them, including what kind(s) of fruit(s) they make.
• It is indeed beautiful, if you can find the nature.  It's in there somewhere.
• Old people: yes, if the buzzard density is to be believed.
• Jews: yes, if "Chanukah Under the Stars" is to be believed.
• Ocean: excellent.  Warm.  Swimmable, even, in the exact way that the Pacific is not.  Not that I went in very far, mind you, due to a combination of laziness and paranoia.

And yet, on the other hand:

• I only saw one mullet, and that was on the last day.
• No partying college students either, but I guess November isn't a big beach month, although it should be.
• No bugs to speak of, although November may have had something to do with that too.  Although we did see a really kickass spider in a (botanical garden)/zoo.
• No alligators, except in the aforementioned controlled setting.
• And speaking of buzzards, my very extended fam' watched in dismay as a small flock tormented an otter, in the aforementioned aforementioned controlled setting, by pecking repeatedly at its tail.  It was able to get away into its little water feature, but only for a few minutes at a time.  We left after the otter left a few little otter turds, which the birds happily gobbled up, with the feeling that justice had been well and truly served, though inadvertently.
• No real weirdness or depravity of any kind.  I shamefully admit that I have preconceived notions about certain places, people, and peoples, and I expected the entirety of Florida to be Hick Central East, USA.  Sorry about that.  The more I get around, the more I learn that one place is pretty much like another, except for the weather and the currency.
• No hurricanes.

About the weather, and the notions: before and during the trip I repeatedly expressed my belief that all the good weather in Florida is bad for the brain, and that the state needs a few months of "good Christian show" to tighten up its morals.  This is a hilarious joke because I'm not a huge fan of either of those things.  Also, I was talking to one of the neighbors during the party, and she mentioned how, during the Florida summers, you get pretty good at doing your outside work during the morning or evening, and staying inside during the hot hours.  Between the sweltering, oppressive heat, and the several hurricane evacuation bus stops I noticed, I think I can let Florida off the hook: they suffer enough down there.